Have Divorce Stress?
One of the most stressful times for anyone occurs when they are going through a divorce. It’s hard to have a quiet mind when there are so many things to think about with so many uncertainties.
Lying awake at night and thinking about finances, children, as well as future living arrangements certainly doesn’t help and can leave you feeling overwhelmed and anxious. Ironically, these important decisions require calm deliberation.
One method of achieving calm is through meditation and it's not as hard as you think.
A few years ago, a friend introduced me to meditation. As a typical Type A personality (which is described by the Merriam – Webster dictionary as "relating to, characteristic of, having, or being a personality that is marked by impatience, aggressiveness, and competitiveness), I found it challenging at first.
How can I concentrate on my breath?
How do I keep thoughts out of my mind?
A few months into meditating, every morning I discovered Sharon Salzburg's book Loving Kindness. Sharon’s core meditation focus is about offering "loving kindness" to you. Sharon uses four phrases such as, "May I be safe. May I be happy? May I be healthy? May I live with ease?"
These phrases may seem awkward at first; yet I think when you’re going through a divorce, they can be especially helpful.
May I be safe: This phrase refers not only to bodily harm but being safe from emotional hurts such as betrayal, grief and loss.
May I be happy: When going through a divorce, it seems like you’ll never be happy again. Telling yourself and affirming that you will achieve happiness is something to focus on throughout the day as well as the divorce process.
May I be healthy: A divorce is one of the most stressful events a person can experience and can leave the immune system at a low point. Learning how to take care of you is a priority for wellness.
May I live with ease: Going through a divorce is the very opposite of living with ease. To live with ease during a divorce might mean living without reactivity. Learning to trust that there will be periods of pleasure as well as pain. Learning to aspire to being at ease with inevitable as change.
As you can see, there are ways to help find balance during times of transition. The key is to take the time to commit to finding that balance to ease the stress. This can be achieved with mediation.
I urge you to explore a few books if mediation intrigues you such as Real Happiness the Power of Meditation, which is 28-day program for learning how to meditate by Sharon Salzberg. Another good book is One-Moment Meditation by Martin Borazon.
About Madeline Muise, LCSW, Director Mediation and Therapy Associates, LLC:
Mediation and Therapy Associates specializes in helping you create a fulfilling life. We help you identify goals and develop skills to establish rewarding relationships with partners/spouses, your children, extended family and community.
Personally, I received my Bachelor’s degree from the College of St. Rose and a Master’s in Social Work from Rutgers’ the State University. In addition, I also have postgraduate training in the following areas:
- Family Systems Therapy
- Divorce Mediation, Winston Salem, North Carolina
- Advanced Mediation Training, Montclair, New Jersey and Florida
- Parent Coordination Training with Robin Deutch, PhD.
- Collaborative Law Training
I am married, have adult children and grandchildren. My hobbies include travel, sailing and the arts.
For more information, please go to my website at: http://www.mediationandtherapyassociates.com